Last time I posted I mentioned (in a dramatic way) that I gained “perspective”. God opened my eyes to the view of the birth parent. Not the pickles and ice cream stuff…but the little kicks inside and hearing the first cry stuff.
You see as of right now I believe my family is called to a healthy baby. I want to keep my children in their natural birth order and do not feel equipped to take on any other challenges aside from adoption alone. With that said I do know my God and I do not doubt the Lord to change my heart!!!
As I was looking through adoption agencies and contemplating open vs closed I began to wonder why more women wouldn’t want closed…don’t they want closuuure? You can hear the lack of grace in my typing right
So I thought more about what it takes to participate in making a baby “healthy”. Abstaining from alcohol and drugs for instance. Abstaining from those things alone shows a care for the baby within your womb. It shows an understanding and respect for the life within you. Then to make the brave decision that the best for your baby is to be with another family. There are women who have to be that brave. No wonder there are open adoptions. These women care for the baby and want to know the baby is doing well, that is their method of closure.
I used to only think that the children up for adoption were completely unloved and unwanted. That is not always the case.
God opened my eyes and heart to respect the birth parent.
My desire is for a baby who is unloved and unwanted, so every. single. day. of their life I can tell them…You are Loved…You are Wanted…You have a Family. And only because those very words have been spoken to me by God my creator every. single. day. of my life.
My husband and I plan to meet in November to have a sit down discussion, make a time line, and plan. I feel my heart is getting ready, but it still has work to do. Demolition really. My husband may tell me lets wait two years or he may tell me set up the home inspection. I pray I am ready to hear either.
You have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15